Monday, June 1, 2015

Momma Mondays: Staying Sane with a Newborn


Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. Especially when it comes to newborns. Well, just like every other asshole out there we have our opinions on tips for life with a newborn. We've been there, done that so if you're a parent to a new baby, hear us out.

  • Go out to eat as much as humanly possible. I don't care if you have to pack a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sit on a park bench and eat it with your friends, significant other, or alone. Just leave. In the blink of an eye, going out to eat will consist of you running after your kid or having them shove a plate off the table. When they're immobile is the perfect time to get out. Plus people love ogling over fresh out the oven babies. If you don't want to eat, go to a bar. Yes people will judge you but f-it. You were on the sober train for 9 months. Momma deserves a cocktail. 
  • On the note of leaving the house, find a local mom's group. Not only will you find other people in the same boat, but you'll have outings and playgroups to give you an excuse to put on real pants and stop watching daytime TV. Okay, you can probably still get away with yoga pants. But you get the point. Even if you plan to go back to work, being part of a mother's club is a nice way to meet people in your area, especially if you're new to the neighborhood. Most of them hold mom's nights out, too. F-yeah! Meetup.com is a good place to find a local parenting group.
  • Take a ton of pics and videos of your baby. I love Instagramming my pics and videos not only for friends and family to see, but because it's a permanent virtual album. There are also a ton of apps you can print directly from Instagram with if you want hard copies. Babies change so much day to day that when you look back you will be amazed they were (*cliche alert*) really that little. If you'd rather keep things private, just make sure to back up.


  • Scope out potential babysitters now. If you can't imagine ever leaving your precious newborn, you're wrong. You're going to want to leave eventually and when that day comes you don't want to be scrambling to find someone. If you don't have family who you can rope into doing it for free, you can use care.com, chat it up with some other moms in the neighborhood, or nestle yourself in a little conversation with the high school kids at the library.
  • Queue up some series on Netflix, hit your local library for a DVD of a series or find one on YouTube, Amazon Prime or Hulu (Kristin just found all episodes of Passions on YouTube). Chances are you're going to be awake a lot (ain't nobody (*cliche alert*) "sleeps when the baby sleeps") you might as well watch what you want to watch before you're stuck watching Caillou or Sofia the First 24/7. Same goes for books, especially if you've got a Kindle/tablet. 
  • Try to restrain yourself from buying an F load of newborn clothes. Babies grow like a weed during their first year (in our experience it plateaus after a year) and they will only be able to wear newborn, 3 month and 6 month clothes once (if that). They make them cute for a reason so be smarter than their tricky marketing strategies and stay strong. Ask any veteran mom and they'll most likely tell you they have a closet full of clothes their kid grew out of and never even got a chance to wear. 
  • Don't get too wrapped up in what they're "supposed" to do or what other babies are doing. Easier said than done, but as long as your pediatrician is cool with it, and everything's okay, don't kill yourself over whether they sleep/cry/eat/weigh more/less than your friend's newborn did. Every baby is different and comparison is just going to drive you cray cray. 
  • Know when to ask for help! We all want to be supermom but that's just not realistic. The best friends are those who show up after your kid has been screaming for 3 hours straight and take your baby, tell you to wipe the mascara off your face and get in bed (shout out to Kristin's friend Nicole).
  • Trust your gut. 

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